Tuesday, May 31, 2005
I'll Drink to That! It's definitive. The world's longest married couple says their success comes from belting down a stiff one every day...(oh, and saying you're sorry when necessary but I think they just added that part in for the grand children's sake). Secret of Longest Marriage.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Blissfully Mutilated. I swear to god I look like one of those teenagers who takes razor blades to her arms and legs. But the mutilation comes from the brambles of the garden, not a razor. Now I know what the hell Voltaire was talking about i.e. you can't change the big picture unless maybe you are Clinton, Bush, or Bono so you go for the small picture: creating a sanctuary... Mind you I grew up in a city devoid of garden of any kind. But this isn't stopping me from pruning, weeding, planting, snipping, hauling -- as if I knew what I was doing. Which is surely how I got that wicked case of poison ivy last summer just before we went to Ireland. But I digress. It feels so good to get lost. Into a zone. To hold one's breath that the perennials provided by a friend will thrive. To close your eyes at night and only see weeds and soil. Thinking is, I think, highly overrated sometimes. At least for those who see the dark side of mankind. The mankind who destroys its environment and each other like a virus (remember the Matrix ). Ignorance is, indeed, bliss.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Titanic Tuitions. Just checked out the George Washington University website to get some calendar info. Curious as to what incoming Freshman will be paying, I clicked over to the tuition page. Parents of incoming Freshman may expect to pay now $49,350 for one year of tuition and Room & Board. Laptop not included nor airfare home. Holy Moly.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Oh Lordy (or, New-Age Tribalism Born of Fear). The one thing I really don't like about Harper's Magazine (and I have carped about this before so excuse my carping), is that they are really, really stingy with their online content. Consequently I cannot post links to two must-read articles called 1) The Soldiers of Christ and 2) Feeling the Hate with the National Religious Broadcasters -- the first an inside view of the growing zealot sprawl of coast-to-coast evangelical sanctuaries (specifically focusing on America's most powerful megachurch located in Colorado Springs and 'home to the greatest concentration of fundamentalist Christian activist groups in American history'). The second article focuses on disparate sects heeding the call to unite for Christian 'dominion' and the part national religious broadcasters play. Bottom line is that east and west coasters don't know what the hell is about to hit them if the froth isn't skimmed from this fear-generated insurgency of ideologues (think Puritans, think witch trials, etc.). So if you don't already have a subscription, you'll just have to go out and spend $6.50 (gulp) at the newsstand to find out what is happening down there amongst those big square patches of midland... Put it this way: When George W. Bush was first elected, Pat Robertson resigned as head of the Christian Coalition, a sign to many that Bush was the first in an expected line of regents that will herald the coming of the Messiah...
Sunday, May 22, 2005
The Irish Starbuck's Guy. Named Joe, he spent his childhood in foster homes. His skin is Irish iridescent white. Hair red and shorn close to his skull. Joe's smile is a half-a-one and it melts. It was my friend who saved his hide. She took him in with a hug like she has done every living thing that has crossed her doorstep. Due to some unspoken experience, Joe hates blacks. His cropped hair, in fact, could be mistaken for a skin-head affinity. He will travel this week to Amsterdam to see the VanGough exhibit (and smoke good pot). First time on a plane. He writes poetry which will be hung next week at the local Starbucks. Whenever I go there and he is working, we chat. He is a delicious playa'. I sat in a lounge chair Sunday drinking coffee with a friend. After chatting, he came back with a hand-written sheet of a recent poem. To give to my daughter whom he craves? "I'm honored," I said. His Irish white skin blushed deeply crimson:
'Dissertation'
Scientists say trees
Are Necessary
For Man
To Breath
It's obvious
they've not studied
a voluptuous
Lady Lately
Mathematicians
Claim Perfect Circles
Do not exist
In nature
In response to this
I state with
Extreme Emphasis
What Idiots!
I added up every angle of her body
And the sum indeed
Turned out to be
Three Hundred and Sixty Degrees.
[I had him sign and date the hand-written paper. You never know...]
'Dissertation'
Scientists say trees
Are Necessary
For Man
To Breath
It's obvious
they've not studied
a voluptuous
Lady Lately
Mathematicians
Claim Perfect Circles
Do not exist
In nature
In response to this
I state with
Extreme Emphasis
What Idiots!
I added up every angle of her body
And the sum indeed
Turned out to be
Three Hundred and Sixty Degrees.
[I had him sign and date the hand-written paper. You never know...]
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Four for Four. Or, Ironic Garden. My new garden a wee nine months old in terms of my actual relationship to it. It is as buffed as a garden can be. Mown and edged even by weekly landscapers. Recently pruned by Mr. Tree Doctor. Planted with perennials carefully picked by the friend who is a landscape designer. Weeded by me. And now beautiful ceramic pots bursting with flowers a la the nursery we used to live across the street from at our old house. Aber is gibt ein kleines Problemschen [or, Houston we have a problem]. This will be the fourth weekend in a row of cold, driving rain backdropped by dismal gray.
Nor'Easter of Kids. And then there is the storm called two kids home from college. A porch strewn full of boxes delivered via UPS. Two downstairs disaster bedrooms. A kitchen wiped out by a hurricane of hungry mouths. Wallets emptied by students of depleted funds until they start working again next week. Incessant cell phone rings. A TV always on. May the sun please come out so that I may hide in the garden...
Nor'Easter of Kids. And then there is the storm called two kids home from college. A porch strewn full of boxes delivered via UPS. Two downstairs disaster bedrooms. A kitchen wiped out by a hurricane of hungry mouths. Wallets emptied by students of depleted funds until they start working again next week. Incessant cell phone rings. A TV always on. May the sun please come out so that I may hide in the garden...
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Two Recently Spotted Bumper Stickers of Note
*GOD, SAVE ME FROM YOUR FOLLOWERS*
and
*ATHEISTS SCREAM YOUR NAME DURING SEX!*
*GOD, SAVE ME FROM YOUR FOLLOWERS*
and
*ATHEISTS SCREAM YOUR NAME DURING SEX!*
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
On Spinning [Harper's Index, May 2005]:
*Average amount the Bush Administration has spent per year on contracts with P.R. firms: $62,500,00
*Average amount spent during the second term of the Clinton Administration: $32,000,000.
*Percentage of U.S. high-school students who believe news stories should require "government approval" before publication: 36
*Average amount the Bush Administration has spent per year on contracts with P.R. firms: $62,500,00
*Average amount spent during the second term of the Clinton Administration: $32,000,000.
*Percentage of U.S. high-school students who believe news stories should require "government approval" before publication: 36
Monday, May 16, 2005
Campanology.
Clean colonoscopy
..........College Kids coming.
Connubial carping.
..........Computer kaputt.
Craving Camelots.
..........Caveats to cowards.
Cadence.
Clean colonoscopy
..........College Kids coming.
Connubial carping.
..........Computer kaputt.
Craving Camelots.
..........Caveats to cowards.
Cadence.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
The Caterpillar Excuse. Due to root rot, the limb of the birch tree lilts dangerously close to falling over onto A) our fence, the neighbor's fence, and a whole lot of pretty plantings, or B) onto the top of our garage depending on prevailing winds, gravity, and fate. Mr.Tree Doctor was a no-show yesterday which didn't stop him from cashing in my deposit. I left a vitriolic message on his answering machine about my thoughts on no-shows -- particularly no-shows walking around with my money in their pocket. He called back to the backdrop of a bawling brat in the background. His excuse for not coming is all the calls from the frantic whose gardens are infested with a virulent caterpillar. this year. "They may be frantic," I said. "But I'll beat you up..."
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Perspiration Moment. "I apologize for my brusqueness...we've been under a lot of pressure lately...[long pause] I like the way you stood up to me..." Those more or less the sign-off words from my second interview with honcho numero 2 at the boutique PR agency I'm trying to get into. Good thing it was a phone interview. Otherwise she would have seen the sweat spreading a stain on the underarms of my pink blouse and known that my standing up to her wasn't standing up all that well other than the fact that I managed to keep my voice calm and collected. She caught me up on three points. One was the notion that in spite of my qualifications, I am green behind the ears as far as PR skills go. OK... Notion two was that my 'people skills' are not an asset in PR. Said she, "If you think people skills count then I don't think you understand what PR is all about. These clients want deliverables and then they want you to go away. They don't have time to chat." OK... Then she nixed my enthusiasm that I would be writing copy for a company like Gore-tex that makes cool sports clothing. Her point being that I shouldn't delude myself that they are not as viscously profit-motivated as an oil refinery or chemical plant and btw their petroleum-based products are probably as environmentally unfriendly as both. Well I pushed back on that a little. The jist of my point was that unfortunately not everyone can help build villages in Africa nor volunteer for Greenpeace. So for the rest of us poor schmucks who must sell their souls to the devil pushing product, then at least we should have fun doing it! Said she, "We can start you on a project basis but at a low pay scale. After all you haven't ever worked directly for a PR agency and we don't have time to train you." Said I, "That sounds great! I'm really looking forward to it," and I actually kind of meant it. Just get me out of the State House and into my home office. Truth be told, I think I could learn a lot from these veteran PR bull dogs. Just as long as I don't turn into a bitchy bull dog...
Monday, May 09, 2005
Red Mercedes Hiccup. I was always under the impression that when a fifty-something year-old-man goes out and buys a red convertible it signals the end of a marriage, and the beginning of gold chains and blondes. Guess things work differently in Europe. The brother-in-law went out and bought a hot new car and ended up impressing his own teetering-on-the-brink-of-leaving-him wife. She's moving back in...
Now This is a Rap Sheet... I am holding in hand the criminal history of Joe D., a constituent in dire need of housing. In order to complete a housing application, it is necessary to also submit his criminal record. Hmmm. Wonder what his chances he'll get housing. Jesus christ. Mind you this is just the stuff he got caught doing:
1960 - Breaking and Entering
1960 - Assault and Battery
1962 - Accosting
1966 - Operation to End (Lives and Safety)
1967 - Hunting Violation
1967 - possession of controlled Substance
1971 - Property Violation
1971 - Assault and Battery
1973 - Assault and Battery
1973 - A&B Dangerous Weapon
1974 - Assault and Battery
1974 - assault Dangerous Weapon
1974 - Assault and Battery
1975 - Larceny
1976 - Assault Dangerous Weapon
1976 - A&B Dangerous Weapon
1976 - Assault and Battery
1976 - Threatening
1976 - Leaving Scene: Property Damage
1976 - Threatening
1976 - Assault and Battery
1977 - A&B Dangerous Weapon
1977 - Assault and Battery
1977 - Poss Class D Cont Sub
1977 - Operation to End (Lives&Safety)
1978 - Disorderly Conduct
1978 - Threatening
1978 - trespassers
1980 - Assault and Battery
1980 - A&B Dangerous Weapon
1982 - Poss Class D Cont Sub
1982 - Larceny
1988 - Operation Under Infl of Liq
1988 - Gun Serial Number
1988 - Discharging a Firearm
1988 - Firearm ID Card
1988 - Poss Firearm w/o Permit
1989 - Oper Und Infl of Liq
1989 - Leaving Scene: Person Injured
1994 - Malicious Destruction of Property
1994 - Assault and Battery
2000 - Assault Dangerous Weapon
2000 - Poss Class D Cont Sub
2002 - A&B Dangerous Weapon
2002 - Armed Assault
Now This is a Rap Sheet... I am holding in hand the criminal history of Joe D., a constituent in dire need of housing. In order to complete a housing application, it is necessary to also submit his criminal record. Hmmm. Wonder what his chances he'll get housing. Jesus christ. Mind you this is just the stuff he got caught doing:
1960 - Breaking and Entering
1960 - Assault and Battery
1962 - Accosting
1966 - Operation to End (Lives and Safety)
1967 - Hunting Violation
1967 - possession of controlled Substance
1971 - Property Violation
1971 - Assault and Battery
1973 - Assault and Battery
1973 - A&B Dangerous Weapon
1974 - Assault and Battery
1974 - assault Dangerous Weapon
1974 - Assault and Battery
1975 - Larceny
1976 - Assault Dangerous Weapon
1976 - A&B Dangerous Weapon
1976 - Assault and Battery
1976 - Threatening
1976 - Leaving Scene: Property Damage
1976 - Threatening
1976 - Assault and Battery
1977 - A&B Dangerous Weapon
1977 - Assault and Battery
1977 - Poss Class D Cont Sub
1977 - Operation to End (Lives&Safety)
1978 - Disorderly Conduct
1978 - Threatening
1978 - trespassers
1980 - Assault and Battery
1980 - A&B Dangerous Weapon
1982 - Poss Class D Cont Sub
1982 - Larceny
1988 - Operation Under Infl of Liq
1988 - Gun Serial Number
1988 - Discharging a Firearm
1988 - Firearm ID Card
1988 - Poss Firearm w/o Permit
1989 - Oper Und Infl of Liq
1989 - Leaving Scene: Person Injured
1994 - Malicious Destruction of Property
1994 - Assault and Battery
2000 - Assault Dangerous Weapon
2000 - Poss Class D Cont Sub
2002 - A&B Dangerous Weapon
2002 - Armed Assault
Sunday, May 08, 2005
Wishing for this Essence Again... Our dog, an Australian Shepard now eleven, was as spry as this picture just days ago. Now she has become afflicted with vestibular disease. The condition comes on suddenly and is common amongst dogs ten and over. Basically it is a malfunction of the inner/middle ear and brain which causes the animal to lose all sense of balance. My research would seem to indicate that the condition improves in a few weeks as the animal re-adjusts. But this fact doesn't make it any easier to watch her stumble and struggle. On our now very slow walks around the block to get her re-acquainted with balance, she sometimes turns and puts her head between my knees as if to say, "What the hell is going on...?" Damn these animals get to you.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Enough. I just wished a friend that we might both have enough money in our old age to continue living the lifestyles to which we have become so fond (she just back from a soul-replenishing spree in Korea). Said she Confucius style:
Enough is a state of mind.
May we find ourselves in it.
Very nice.
Enough is a state of mind.
May we find ourselves in it.
Very nice.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Anna Bloviation's the Bargain. Along the path of life I've been accused of being high maintenance and costly. But I frankly couldn't disagree more. The kids go to one of the most expensive colleges in the country and have a penchant for Coach, RL, Lacoste, and J.Crew. Hubby's dental work over the years makes his mouth undoubtedly the most expensive on the continental US and is reason enough for him to be a little more gracious towards the country he bashes on a daily basis (well it's really more the Republicans he bashes). The price tag for his recently bought Saks suit and accouterments would make a harlot blush. My dog's vet bill tonight was $50. And do you know what the vet told me? That my dog is 'feeling under the weather.' Gee, no shit Sherlock...And no I do not want extensive blood tests and a cat-scan undertaken to find out what might be wrong with her. She hates cats...' Yet still the husband was more expensive today i.e. $7 for anti-biotics and $47 on Fed-Ex shipping to ship the $7 medication to London. No clue what will happen at customs. The doctor guesses hubby might have some kind of infection. Thanks clueless Sherlock doctor of hubby. Me? I spent $10 on lunch with my friend and $2 for a bar of Lindt dark chocolate. Bargain I tell you.
Monday, May 02, 2005
The Atheist Tries to Teach the Catholic (and State Legislator) Morals.
"No we are not going to send this press release and picture depicting the XXX All-City Choir singing the National anthem at the State House."
"Why not?"
"Well because you coerced the State House photographers into digitally inserting yourself into a picture you weren't in! Not that anyone will be paying attention to the details of a photo submitted to the local newspaper but that's not the point. You are assuming that all eighty singers and all legislators present will be complicit in your deceit. You are assuming I will sign my name to a press release that is false. What if just one student in the photo notices something amiss. And that student talks to another student. And suddenly in your very small everybody-knows-everybody city, word gets to the local paper. And then that local reporter calls the State House. How is that going to look?? Unable to get to the State House to hear the singers but unable to resist the chance at good publicity, you had yourself airbrushed into the photo!! YOU DON'T SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE??"
"No we are not going to send this press release and picture depicting the XXX All-City Choir singing the National anthem at the State House."
"Why not?"
"Well because you coerced the State House photographers into digitally inserting yourself into a picture you weren't in! Not that anyone will be paying attention to the details of a photo submitted to the local newspaper but that's not the point. You are assuming that all eighty singers and all legislators present will be complicit in your deceit. You are assuming I will sign my name to a press release that is false. What if just one student in the photo notices something amiss. And that student talks to another student. And suddenly in your very small everybody-knows-everybody city, word gets to the local paper. And then that local reporter calls the State House. How is that going to look?? Unable to get to the State House to hear the singers but unable to resist the chance at good publicity, you had yourself airbrushed into the photo!! YOU DON'T SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE??"
Robbie Knievel. 'When I grow up I want to do stupid daredevil stunts and have every bone in my body broken just like my dad Evel..... '
