Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Oh My... This is I guess what happens when one becomes the cross-generational confessional for relationship woes; one neglects one's blogs. Global warming seems less important when people's hearts are ripping at the seams. Heart Rip 1:
Dear Anna Bloviation's: He seemed a rising star in college.... Smart. Athletic. Everyone in his family whoppingly successful. But since marrying him, I've realized he is a turtle. He has no ambition. His parents have just given him everything his whole life....
Dear Friend: Yes but he just finished grad school didn't he?
Dear AB: But he still hasn't found a job.
Dear Friend: He graduated in May.
Dear AB: He is annoying and I don't want to sleep with him.
Dear Friend: Are you in for the long haul?
Dear AB: Yes.
Dear Friend: OK... Well let's figure out our options if we are to stay in a possibly perpetual state of annoyance... Hmmm. Better to be in a kick-ass nice house the wealthy in-laws have helped you buy because they want their darling grandchildren to have the very best than take the high rode and slog it out as your hubby tries to make his turtle way. No brainer girl.
Heart Rip 2: Dear Anna Bloviation's (Mom): As you know I broke up with my boyfriend before going off to college. We loved each other but things were getting hard at the end. It was an amenable break. Or so I thought. But he did what all my 'guy friends' have done so far. He claimed we could just be friends. And heh, I really like to hang out with him. But apparently he had a different agenda. I said 'sorry that's not what I want'. He flipped. Called me heartless. Then he surreptiously dropped off my graduation present on the porch -- the one I had given to him last year. A leather box filled with fond mementos. I am so angry. So hurt.
Dear Friend (daughter): It is understandable that he is so hurt. You are after all a wonderful, smart, gorgeous, sexy human being (ok I am very subjective on this matter). People who love people so hard it hurts are people who have a very difficult time when they find out the other person doesn't feel the same way. Desperate for the other's affections, they will enter a pact of 'friendship' just to keep the relationship going. But sooner or later the love-struck agenda comes through. Once rebuffed, the only way to deal with their hurt is to hurt the other. To demonize the relationship. The good news is that you are master of your memories. You had a wonderful relationship with him. Hold that dear and remember that. You don't have to remember the self-destruct remnance of what is left of him. His loss.
And on and on. Three more heart-rips to be exact... To the point that I must impart a wise adage to my friends:
1) It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2) It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3) It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
4) It is important to find a man you can count on and who doesn't lie to you. It's important that these four men don't know each other...
Dear Anna Bloviation's: He seemed a rising star in college.... Smart. Athletic. Everyone in his family whoppingly successful. But since marrying him, I've realized he is a turtle. He has no ambition. His parents have just given him everything his whole life....
Dear Friend: Yes but he just finished grad school didn't he?
Dear AB: But he still hasn't found a job.
Dear Friend: He graduated in May.
Dear AB: He is annoying and I don't want to sleep with him.
Dear Friend: Are you in for the long haul?
Dear AB: Yes.
Dear Friend: OK... Well let's figure out our options if we are to stay in a possibly perpetual state of annoyance... Hmmm. Better to be in a kick-ass nice house the wealthy in-laws have helped you buy because they want their darling grandchildren to have the very best than take the high rode and slog it out as your hubby tries to make his turtle way. No brainer girl.
Heart Rip 2: Dear Anna Bloviation's (Mom): As you know I broke up with my boyfriend before going off to college. We loved each other but things were getting hard at the end. It was an amenable break. Or so I thought. But he did what all my 'guy friends' have done so far. He claimed we could just be friends. And heh, I really like to hang out with him. But apparently he had a different agenda. I said 'sorry that's not what I want'. He flipped. Called me heartless. Then he surreptiously dropped off my graduation present on the porch -- the one I had given to him last year. A leather box filled with fond mementos. I am so angry. So hurt.
Dear Friend (daughter): It is understandable that he is so hurt. You are after all a wonderful, smart, gorgeous, sexy human being (ok I am very subjective on this matter). People who love people so hard it hurts are people who have a very difficult time when they find out the other person doesn't feel the same way. Desperate for the other's affections, they will enter a pact of 'friendship' just to keep the relationship going. But sooner or later the love-struck agenda comes through. Once rebuffed, the only way to deal with their hurt is to hurt the other. To demonize the relationship. The good news is that you are master of your memories. You had a wonderful relationship with him. Hold that dear and remember that. You don't have to remember the self-destruct remnance of what is left of him. His loss.
And on and on. Three more heart-rips to be exact... To the point that I must impart a wise adage to my friends:
1) It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2) It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3) It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
4) It is important to find a man you can count on and who doesn't lie to you. It's important that these four men don't know each other...
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