Friday, December 10, 2004
Both Encounters Began and Ended in Chocolate... When I finally met her after so many months not having seen her, and when I finally met him after not having seen him for well over a year, I was reminded just why it's been so long since I've seen either of them. The one is just too intense -- her life is constantly spilling over with death-threatening illnesses and drama. Her number is 1-800-Dial-the-Latest-Tragedy. The other is just a pain in the ass and like certain people you meet in life, I for some reason seem to bring out the ass in him even more so.
Having had both on my mind as to how they were doing, I was rather astounded to see an email from each in my Inbox on the very same day. Not only on the same day but with the same subject matter: chocolate. Her message was cryptic. His blunt.
Her's: I haven't talked to you in a while. Actually, I could also use some advice, and the subject is strictly for women...How does lunch or dinner sound? I have Godiva chocolate for you. [Oh geez I thought. This can mean only one thing...]
His: Subject: Come and Get Your Chocolate. I carried the shit all the way from Russia from XXX. The least you can do is come by and pick it up. [Is this guy on crack I wondered?].
Outcome #1: She and I were up until the wee hours talking. She has lost weight. She is giddy one moment and tormented the next. My clear eye about such things eluded me completely this evening. No matter how many marks I put up on the 'pro' and 'con' side of the Chalkboard of Life, nothing came out as even a remotely tenable solution. "Honey, you are so screwed!" I finally said. "Let's have some Godiva chocolate," I suggested. "And some more wine too," I offered. She laughed. "The problem is I haven't even been screwed yet. But when we do I'll really be screwed." That's the hardest part I thought to myself. When it seems to be so completely out of your hands.
Outcome #2: "Be nice or keep the damn chocolate," I responded in an email back to him. If XXX in Russia hadn't gone through all the trouble to get me a box of chocolate and then himself sent me an email telling me he had done so, I am sure I wouldn't have found myself driving over to my old office that I hadn't set foot in in over two years. In fact I must include here XXX's email because his English prose is so delightful:
Dear Anna,
I do hope that such a kind person as you would agree to accept my apologies and regrets for a so long period of complete silence! I also hope this eMail finds you and your family perfectly well. Another point of this eMail is that the Messenger of Friendship well-known on both sides of the Ocean as ZZZ agreed to take and to carry to the US a box of local chocolates as a small Christmas gift of mine to you. Hopefully, you will like it and accept it as a sign of friendship and my appreciation for your kindest hospitality I was able to enjoy while visiting your great country. The box has two "floors" (or layers), so it can be considered family-size. Maybe, you could find a way to get it from ZZZ by this year Christmas, I do not know how long our friend will be able to resist the temptation! Please, share my best regards and greetings with [your husband].
Best Wishes,
XXX
It is a hull of an office really compared to its former self but surprising full of energy when one considers it has dwindled down from 100 to about 7 people. 'Energy' should probably be qualified here but I'll leave that for another day. The mega-expensive conference room sat lonely and dark while the former training room smelled of oil paints. "Are those paintings?" I inquired. I inspected closer. They were paintings from Russia ZZZ explained. Originals he emphasized. God-awful originals I thought. I decided not to probe too deeply as to how this software company had gotten itself into the import business of Russian artwork.
The head honcho sat in his corner office with his obligatory headphone set on -- his new groupie dutifully at his side drinking the Kool-aid. I had never particularly liked or trusted this guy and when our eyes met I caught a brief flicker before he smiled all-Cheshire. The flicker had Damage Control written all over it: Shit. Look busy. Appear important. Why did I wear this stupid short-sleeved t-shirt that makes me look like a Bud-beer couch potato? How does this look to her and what will she say to the others I know this bitch keeps in touch with? Spin, spin, spin. "Heh Anna!!! How are you? Oops sorry. I have to make a call..."
God like I care anymore. Less than twenty minutes of my being there ZZZ declared important email correspondences awaited him. F*** you, I thought. What, is an eBay rep getting back to you about selling off all your office furniture next month? I visited and laughed with all who were there. Then I walked past the box of bad Russian chocolate I had placed on the bistro table, smiled, and left without the box. "Dearest XXX," I flourished to my Russian friend when I got back to my office. "You'll be pleased to hear that as soon as I got your email about the chocolate, I raced over to pick up my gift knowing that it would be far too dangerous to leave the box there for any length of time without it 'mysteriously disappearing.....I am deeply touched by this generous gift, and thank you very much for thinking of me. It also gave me an opportunity to visit with my former colleagues whom I haven't seen in such a long time! It was much fun to see everyone again. Will you be visiting the United States any time soon? If you do come, I do hope that our 'Ambassador of Friendship' will let me know you are here. It's been far too long that we have had the opportunity to 'gossip!' Merry Christmas. Please stay in touch. And please pass on my best regards to all.'
Damn it. So there.... Back to my California house I love. But the phone is ringing and it is the daughter. "Happy Anniversary, mom. You won't believe what my roommate did now..."
Having had both on my mind as to how they were doing, I was rather astounded to see an email from each in my Inbox on the very same day. Not only on the same day but with the same subject matter: chocolate. Her message was cryptic. His blunt.
Her's: I haven't talked to you in a while. Actually, I could also use some advice, and the subject is strictly for women...How does lunch or dinner sound? I have Godiva chocolate for you. [Oh geez I thought. This can mean only one thing...]
His: Subject: Come and Get Your Chocolate. I carried the shit all the way from Russia from XXX. The least you can do is come by and pick it up. [Is this guy on crack I wondered?].
Outcome #1: She and I were up until the wee hours talking. She has lost weight. She is giddy one moment and tormented the next. My clear eye about such things eluded me completely this evening. No matter how many marks I put up on the 'pro' and 'con' side of the Chalkboard of Life, nothing came out as even a remotely tenable solution. "Honey, you are so screwed!" I finally said. "Let's have some Godiva chocolate," I suggested. "And some more wine too," I offered. She laughed. "The problem is I haven't even been screwed yet. But when we do I'll really be screwed." That's the hardest part I thought to myself. When it seems to be so completely out of your hands.
Outcome #2: "Be nice or keep the damn chocolate," I responded in an email back to him. If XXX in Russia hadn't gone through all the trouble to get me a box of chocolate and then himself sent me an email telling me he had done so, I am sure I wouldn't have found myself driving over to my old office that I hadn't set foot in in over two years. In fact I must include here XXX's email because his English prose is so delightful:
Dear Anna,
I do hope that such a kind person as you would agree to accept my apologies and regrets for a so long period of complete silence! I also hope this eMail finds you and your family perfectly well. Another point of this eMail is that the Messenger of Friendship well-known on both sides of the Ocean as ZZZ agreed to take and to carry to the US a box of local chocolates as a small Christmas gift of mine to you. Hopefully, you will like it and accept it as a sign of friendship and my appreciation for your kindest hospitality I was able to enjoy while visiting your great country. The box has two "floors" (or layers), so it can be considered family-size. Maybe, you could find a way to get it from ZZZ by this year Christmas, I do not know how long our friend will be able to resist the temptation! Please, share my best regards and greetings with [your husband].
Best Wishes,
XXX
It is a hull of an office really compared to its former self but surprising full of energy when one considers it has dwindled down from 100 to about 7 people. 'Energy' should probably be qualified here but I'll leave that for another day. The mega-expensive conference room sat lonely and dark while the former training room smelled of oil paints. "Are those paintings?" I inquired. I inspected closer. They were paintings from Russia ZZZ explained. Originals he emphasized. God-awful originals I thought. I decided not to probe too deeply as to how this software company had gotten itself into the import business of Russian artwork.
The head honcho sat in his corner office with his obligatory headphone set on -- his new groupie dutifully at his side drinking the Kool-aid. I had never particularly liked or trusted this guy and when our eyes met I caught a brief flicker before he smiled all-Cheshire. The flicker had Damage Control written all over it: Shit. Look busy. Appear important. Why did I wear this stupid short-sleeved t-shirt that makes me look like a Bud-beer couch potato? How does this look to her and what will she say to the others I know this bitch keeps in touch with? Spin, spin, spin. "Heh Anna!!! How are you? Oops sorry. I have to make a call..."
God like I care anymore. Less than twenty minutes of my being there ZZZ declared important email correspondences awaited him. F*** you, I thought. What, is an eBay rep getting back to you about selling off all your office furniture next month? I visited and laughed with all who were there. Then I walked past the box of bad Russian chocolate I had placed on the bistro table, smiled, and left without the box. "Dearest XXX," I flourished to my Russian friend when I got back to my office. "You'll be pleased to hear that as soon as I got your email about the chocolate, I raced over to pick up my gift knowing that it would be far too dangerous to leave the box there for any length of time without it 'mysteriously disappearing.....I am deeply touched by this generous gift, and thank you very much for thinking of me. It also gave me an opportunity to visit with my former colleagues whom I haven't seen in such a long time! It was much fun to see everyone again. Will you be visiting the United States any time soon? If you do come, I do hope that our 'Ambassador of Friendship' will let me know you are here. It's been far too long that we have had the opportunity to 'gossip!' Merry Christmas. Please stay in touch. And please pass on my best regards to all.'
Damn it. So there.... Back to my California house I love. But the phone is ringing and it is the daughter. "Happy Anniversary, mom. You won't believe what my roommate did now..."
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