Tuesday, June 15, 2004
In my spreadsheet of savings-depleting new house expenses, I've already spent $4,500 and we haven't even moved into our new home. Furthermore we don't officially own the house but the purchased items are being shipped there. So hopefully everything will fall into place smoothly because otherwise the present owners of the house are going to have some mighty fine garden furniture as well as a beautiful day bed. The good news is that these purchases won't get swallowed whole by the house itself but rather can be taken with us on our next journey. The bad news is that the minute you buy this crap, it depreciates into ridiculous nothing-ling-ness once delivered.
Things are coming along though. Despite inevitable setbacks. But nothing I can’t handle. I did have to splay my claws big time to the Keyspan folks though. Keyspan is the monopolistic unionized company that delivers gas to New England. They have simply awesome incentive programs to get you to convert from oil to gas these days but unfortunately they are horrendously and pathetically lacking in the customer-relationship-building department i.e. a customer who is ready, willing, and able to spend money on products and services shouldn't have to hunt down the lone service rep for three-and-a-half weeks straight without one return phone call. In other words, you can never actually take advantage of the f****** incentive program Keyspan offers because you can never track down the damn rep to sign the contract. And even if you were lucky enough to nab the sales rep, you couldn't sign the contract because until you are the actual owner of the house, you can't do business with them. This means that if you move into a new house you want to convert to gas, you have to WAIT 4-6 WEEKS until Keyspan will come out to give you service (remind me not to buy a house in February). So... I had a little chat with the 'supervisor' today. I dropped the name of the legislative affairs contact I have for Keyspan and offered to forward him the Op-Ed piece I had ready to send to the Boston Globe North section. Ah the power of words...
My new future house has a beautiful garden that is frankly a key feature of the whole package. Its appeal for this minimalist is its minimalism which translates into relative low maintenance. Except for the grass. Grass is never low maintenance when measured by America's idiosyncratic penchant for perfectly weed-free, water-drenched, trimmed and edged green. Achieving this kelly-perfectness 'aint easy or inexpensive. It takes a whole lot of chemicals, precious water, and cheap labor (the combination of which is enough to cause sleepless nights for an environmentalist liberal like me).
So...if I can overcome two out of the three aforementioned moral hurdles, then I ought to be good, right? To this end I've been talking to a couple of legally-residing landscapers to price out their services for organic garden care. Turns out that landscapers aren't stupid and are extremely enthusiastic and well read up on organic gardening these days. The problem at this point is the price. Where as a conventional lawn fertilization program, chock full of chemicals to rid the lawn of grubs, crab grass, and the like, costs about $300 per season; an organic fertilization program costs around $1000 . In other words, while many might be interested in opting for a more environmentally friendly garden care system, most say no because of the exorbitant price.
So my idea is this. Once my Polish architect/landscaper friend arrives in July, I will give him an allowance to make my already WOW-garden into a garden that gets selected for the annual Town X garden tours (apparently this garden received such recognition by previous owners back in the early nineties). Then I will contact the Sales & Marketing Department of Organic Gardening Brand X. "Here," I will say, "are a few samples of my writing." I will offer to provide them all the press releases, interviews, photo-ops, and tours to promote my garden to all of the appropriate House & Garden magazines, local newspapers, television stations, eco-friendly organizations, and the like: "HOW TO CREATE A SHOWCASE GARDEN MAINTAINED ENTIRELY WITH ORGANIC PRODUCTS. THIS LUSH GARDEN DRIPS WITH WHOLESOMENESS. LOOK AT THE HEALTHY AND RADIANT OWNERS RECLINING IN THEIR $3500 PLANTATION-RAISED TEAK PATIO FURNITURE AMIDST THEIR ALL-NATURUAL GREENERY -- THEIR SHINY-COAT TEN-YEAR-OLD DOG ROMPING HAPPILY AND HEALTHFULLY ON THE CHEMICAL-FREE LAWN." Etc., etc... All they have to do is cover the expenses of my garden care. A great deal for them when one considers all of the millions of guilt-ridden gardeners I'll help reel in. At which point they can lower the price of their product. At which point I could actually afford to buy the product without having to pimp my garden. Once my organic garden was up and running, I would use less water because the grass you keep longer and water less often. And they all lived happily ever after...
Things are coming along though. Despite inevitable setbacks. But nothing I can’t handle. I did have to splay my claws big time to the Keyspan folks though. Keyspan is the monopolistic unionized company that delivers gas to New England. They have simply awesome incentive programs to get you to convert from oil to gas these days but unfortunately they are horrendously and pathetically lacking in the customer-relationship-building department i.e. a customer who is ready, willing, and able to spend money on products and services shouldn't have to hunt down the lone service rep for three-and-a-half weeks straight without one return phone call. In other words, you can never actually take advantage of the f****** incentive program Keyspan offers because you can never track down the damn rep to sign the contract. And even if you were lucky enough to nab the sales rep, you couldn't sign the contract because until you are the actual owner of the house, you can't do business with them. This means that if you move into a new house you want to convert to gas, you have to WAIT 4-6 WEEKS until Keyspan will come out to give you service (remind me not to buy a house in February). So... I had a little chat with the 'supervisor' today. I dropped the name of the legislative affairs contact I have for Keyspan and offered to forward him the Op-Ed piece I had ready to send to the Boston Globe North section. Ah the power of words...
My new future house has a beautiful garden that is frankly a key feature of the whole package. Its appeal for this minimalist is its minimalism which translates into relative low maintenance. Except for the grass. Grass is never low maintenance when measured by America's idiosyncratic penchant for perfectly weed-free, water-drenched, trimmed and edged green. Achieving this kelly-perfectness 'aint easy or inexpensive. It takes a whole lot of chemicals, precious water, and cheap labor (the combination of which is enough to cause sleepless nights for an environmentalist liberal like me).
So...if I can overcome two out of the three aforementioned moral hurdles, then I ought to be good, right? To this end I've been talking to a couple of legally-residing landscapers to price out their services for organic garden care. Turns out that landscapers aren't stupid and are extremely enthusiastic and well read up on organic gardening these days. The problem at this point is the price. Where as a conventional lawn fertilization program, chock full of chemicals to rid the lawn of grubs, crab grass, and the like, costs about $300 per season; an organic fertilization program costs around $1000 . In other words, while many might be interested in opting for a more environmentally friendly garden care system, most say no because of the exorbitant price.
So my idea is this. Once my Polish architect/landscaper friend arrives in July, I will give him an allowance to make my already WOW-garden into a garden that gets selected for the annual Town X garden tours (apparently this garden received such recognition by previous owners back in the early nineties). Then I will contact the Sales & Marketing Department of Organic Gardening Brand X. "Here," I will say, "are a few samples of my writing." I will offer to provide them all the press releases, interviews, photo-ops, and tours to promote my garden to all of the appropriate House & Garden magazines, local newspapers, television stations, eco-friendly organizations, and the like: "HOW TO CREATE A SHOWCASE GARDEN MAINTAINED ENTIRELY WITH ORGANIC PRODUCTS. THIS LUSH GARDEN DRIPS WITH WHOLESOMENESS. LOOK AT THE HEALTHY AND RADIANT OWNERS RECLINING IN THEIR $3500 PLANTATION-RAISED TEAK PATIO FURNITURE AMIDST THEIR ALL-NATURUAL GREENERY -- THEIR SHINY-COAT TEN-YEAR-OLD DOG ROMPING HAPPILY AND HEALTHFULLY ON THE CHEMICAL-FREE LAWN." Etc., etc... All they have to do is cover the expenses of my garden care. A great deal for them when one considers all of the millions of guilt-ridden gardeners I'll help reel in. At which point they can lower the price of their product. At which point I could actually afford to buy the product without having to pimp my garden. Once my organic garden was up and running, I would use less water because the grass you keep longer and water less often. And they all lived happily ever after...
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