Tuesday, May 11, 2004
"Yes! We finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished fraud perpetrated on the public by companies like Enron, Global Crossing, and Tyco we finally got the ring leader. Maybe now we can lower the nation's terror alert to periwinkle." —Jon Stewart
Dear Martha,
I'm a hopeless housekeeper, an even worse cook, and not much of a gardener. Frankly the mere sight of your magazine at the supermarket check-out counter has been enough for me to break out in an undignified cold sweat. Nonetheless, I had heard some good reviews of your products by some of my more type-A, Christmas-shopping-is-done-by-late-October friends and decided to order a garden patio set that caught my eye in your online catalogue -- the one that I hoped would look nice in my less-than-perfect garden.
So it is with regret that I must inform you that I will be returning the entire garden patio set. The table arrived badly scratched and I was frankly not particularly amused when the customer service representative suggested I 'touch it up' with the little bottle of paint included in the box (she may or may not have been about ready to explain your 'denibbing' paint technique had I not cut her short). For your information, I will also be sending back the extra table sent to me but which actually belongs to a woman named Elsa in New Jersey. Were it not for the fact that you have a mid-July back order date on the table, I might have had you send me a new one. But you know how short these New England summers are... And without a table, what good are the four lonely chairs? So I'll be sending those back as well. Also the four cushions I just noticed went on sale but which I paid full price for.
If it's any consolation, I'm sure all of these problems would not be happening under your watch did you not have to deal with your upcoming June 17th jail sentencing. I really think you are getting an unfair rap in this whole affair to be honest. There are plenty of corporate villains out there who have done far worse than you but haven't so much as received a slap on the back of their hands.
Might I be so bold as to make one suggestion as you tie up all of those 'loose ends' before June 17th. I would strongly suggest you consider changing your customer service recording at (800) 950-7130. While I like the personal touch of hearing your voice, unfortunately it sounds like you made the recording right after you chewed out an employee or yelled at your ex-husband. Maybe you had just had a really bad day in court. On second thought, maybe it would be better for a while if you got someone else to record a message...
Sincerely,
Anna Bloviations
Dear Martha,
I'm a hopeless housekeeper, an even worse cook, and not much of a gardener. Frankly the mere sight of your magazine at the supermarket check-out counter has been enough for me to break out in an undignified cold sweat. Nonetheless, I had heard some good reviews of your products by some of my more type-A, Christmas-shopping-is-done-by-late-October friends and decided to order a garden patio set that caught my eye in your online catalogue -- the one that I hoped would look nice in my less-than-perfect garden.
So it is with regret that I must inform you that I will be returning the entire garden patio set. The table arrived badly scratched and I was frankly not particularly amused when the customer service representative suggested I 'touch it up' with the little bottle of paint included in the box (she may or may not have been about ready to explain your 'denibbing' paint technique had I not cut her short). For your information, I will also be sending back the extra table sent to me but which actually belongs to a woman named Elsa in New Jersey. Were it not for the fact that you have a mid-July back order date on the table, I might have had you send me a new one. But you know how short these New England summers are... And without a table, what good are the four lonely chairs? So I'll be sending those back as well. Also the four cushions I just noticed went on sale but which I paid full price for.
If it's any consolation, I'm sure all of these problems would not be happening under your watch did you not have to deal with your upcoming June 17th jail sentencing. I really think you are getting an unfair rap in this whole affair to be honest. There are plenty of corporate villains out there who have done far worse than you but haven't so much as received a slap on the back of their hands.
Might I be so bold as to make one suggestion as you tie up all of those 'loose ends' before June 17th. I would strongly suggest you consider changing your customer service recording at (800) 950-7130. While I like the personal touch of hearing your voice, unfortunately it sounds like you made the recording right after you chewed out an employee or yelled at your ex-husband. Maybe you had just had a really bad day in court. On second thought, maybe it would be better for a while if you got someone else to record a message...
Sincerely,
Anna Bloviations
Comments:
Post a Comment
