Thursday, November 13, 2003
My electronic conservative buddies have been putting up a fierce battle of late. It turns out if you get too under their skin they go and get personal on you i.e. I was called a clinical delusionist prone to ranting, pouting meanderings. One insinuated I couldn't be taken seriously because I like chocolate [I guess if you love chocolate you can't think straight...].
Today I feel much better. But the night before last I admit I was feeling pretty whipped. Bleeding, bruised, and contemplating the futility of trying to change the world I was. But I think I'm finally beginning to figure out the conservative battle strategy. When things start getting a little uncomfortable , they start accusing you of rambling [a loaded verb they throw out to peg liberals as illogically-thinking subject-matter lightweights]. Then they authoritatively reprimand you to stay 'issue-specific' and 'science-grounded.' Yeah right. So long as it stays within the purview of THEIR issue-specific, science-grounded world-view. Example: One (who calls himself a free-thinker, not a conservative) reprimanded me for boring tirades against Bush, Arnold and god knows what, but lets his conservative buddy off scott-free to ramble French-bashing diatribes out the ying yang.
In frustration I sent a letter to God -- God being my friend who included me on his distribution list and thus indirectly introduced me to these two knuckle-heads (on my own blow page I'm allowed to get personal):
Dear God,
I used to live in paradise -- your paradise. I frolicked in the deranged and eclectic mix of thought-provoking and profane enlightenments you sent my way via email. I saw that there were others who also enjoyed your graces and I wondered who they were but I kept my distance because you had decreed unto me: "DO NOT TALK TO THEM."
Mere mortal that I am I have sinned.... In spite of your warnings, I disobeyed you. I could not keep my mouth shut and hit 'REPLY TO ALL' following one of Mr. X's blasphemies. I think you know the rest. There have been too, too many responses since then -- all vainglorious posturing (by everybody).
I am a fallen angel. I neglect my dog and have been driven to drink. I can see now that it was vanity and arrogance that made me think that I, a mere fucked-up mortal, could change anybody already set in their ways. Just as I am set in mine.
I have erred. And apparently I have ranted and meandered (you couldn't wound a wanna-be writer more deeply by saying that they rant and meander, but such is my lot). Please God. Help me out of this spiraling ideological morass -- this microcosm of the U.S at large -- this I-have-to-get-the-last-word bickering, this war of the sexes.
I repent. Forgive me. Ban me from paradise if that is what you think I deserve. Or make me say one-hundred agnostic hail-mary's. You were right. I was wrong. I promise I will write on a chalk board, "I should have listened to you... everything you said was true... Bad Anna, bad Anna, bad Anna...
Anna Bloviations
P.S. But remember that I am mortal and will likely sin again.
Dear Anna Bloviations:
I am truly sorry you had to learn the hard way. Trying to reason with a conservative is like trying to explain the theory of relativity to a three year old - it is impossible.
Sincerely,
God
Today I feel much better. But the night before last I admit I was feeling pretty whipped. Bleeding, bruised, and contemplating the futility of trying to change the world I was. But I think I'm finally beginning to figure out the conservative battle strategy. When things start getting a little uncomfortable , they start accusing you of rambling [a loaded verb they throw out to peg liberals as illogically-thinking subject-matter lightweights]. Then they authoritatively reprimand you to stay 'issue-specific' and 'science-grounded.' Yeah right. So long as it stays within the purview of THEIR issue-specific, science-grounded world-view. Example: One (who calls himself a free-thinker, not a conservative) reprimanded me for boring tirades against Bush, Arnold and god knows what, but lets his conservative buddy off scott-free to ramble French-bashing diatribes out the ying yang.
In frustration I sent a letter to God -- God being my friend who included me on his distribution list and thus indirectly introduced me to these two knuckle-heads (on my own blow page I'm allowed to get personal):
Dear God,
I used to live in paradise -- your paradise. I frolicked in the deranged and eclectic mix of thought-provoking and profane enlightenments you sent my way via email. I saw that there were others who also enjoyed your graces and I wondered who they were but I kept my distance because you had decreed unto me: "DO NOT TALK TO THEM."
Mere mortal that I am I have sinned.... In spite of your warnings, I disobeyed you. I could not keep my mouth shut and hit 'REPLY TO ALL' following one of Mr. X's blasphemies. I think you know the rest. There have been too, too many responses since then -- all vainglorious posturing (by everybody).
I am a fallen angel. I neglect my dog and have been driven to drink. I can see now that it was vanity and arrogance that made me think that I, a mere fucked-up mortal, could change anybody already set in their ways. Just as I am set in mine.
I have erred. And apparently I have ranted and meandered (you couldn't wound a wanna-be writer more deeply by saying that they rant and meander, but such is my lot). Please God. Help me out of this spiraling ideological morass -- this microcosm of the U.S at large -- this I-have-to-get-the-last-word bickering, this war of the sexes.
I repent. Forgive me. Ban me from paradise if that is what you think I deserve. Or make me say one-hundred agnostic hail-mary's. You were right. I was wrong. I promise I will write on a chalk board, "I should have listened to you... everything you said was true... Bad Anna, bad Anna, bad Anna...
Anna Bloviations
P.S. But remember that I am mortal and will likely sin again.
Dear Anna Bloviations:
I am truly sorry you had to learn the hard way. Trying to reason with a conservative is like trying to explain the theory of relativity to a three year old - it is impossible.
Sincerely,
God
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