Monday, August 04, 2003
Religion is my weakest link. Well, that's not true actually. I'd be skating on thin ice if I had to hold a conversation very long on the subject of Quantum Physics, Calculus, Astronomy, or Eastern Civilizations. Oh all right -- there might quite possibly be a couple of other subjects I couldn't hold ground on for very long...
But while I might not know my Allah from Adam, I have no qualms about weighing in on religion. I figure until there is proof in the pudding -- and I don't mean an apparition of Jesus showing up on a window of some high school (there are scientific explanations for that) -- my beliefs are as good as anybody else's.
I personally think the agnostic route is really the way to go; I'm hedging my bets that there is 'something' out there, although what or who I do not know. So while others fondle their rosary beads, or meditate about the eightfold path, I have been busy writing out appropriate meet-my-maker(s) flash cards to have ready when I stand before the gates and need to know the password to get in. I am not too particular who the maker should be although I admit I am a little partial to mythology; I will have absolutely no problem assuming my rightful and well-practiced place as Goddess. I picture Zeus greeting me at the doors. "Heh there Zeus!" I'll say. "Whoa, so you're the man! I never doubted for a MOMENT that you were the man!" Then Zeus will say to me, "Anna girl, come RIGHT on in. I watched during your years as a mortal how well you honed your goddess skills and I think I have the perfect position for you... here let me show you to your throne."
Plus we agnostics are incredibly peaceful and accepting creatures. You don't see us hurling stones at a group of Catholics who want simply to march up a street for god's sake. Heh, and if my son wants to date a Jewish princess from Rhode Island, great! I love matzo balls. I mean what is up with all of these Catholics, Protestants, Hindus, Shiites, Muslims, Judaists, beating the holy shit out of each other in the name of their God or a scrap of god-forsaken land promised to them thousands of years ago by some mistranslated piece of scripture?
Some of these religious groups just really need to lighten up. Especially the one's that take every word written in their scriptures verbatim. Like I think it would be very useful if every religious fanatic were forced to play the game 'telephone.’ Anyone who has played this game as a kid knows that the original message that you whisper to the person sitting next to you is going to end up a hilarious garbled rendition by the time it is whispered to the last person sitting in the circle: What starts out as 'Jamey is Wearing a Plaid Shirt', ends up 'Amy is Swearing in a Pasture.’ Plain and simple, words get misheard and misinterpreted all the time, sometimes by accident, sometimes by design. Maybe a lightbulb would go off in their heads...
Take what just happened to the Muslims recently. According to a renowned scholar in Luxemburg, what may actually have been meant by seventy-two buxom doe-eyed virgins ("houris") waiting for them in the afterworld is in fact a bunch of "white raisins" and "juicy fruits!" Great for the digestive tract but not much else. No wonder the scholar who just published this finding is using a pseudonym... If I knew that all that awaited my blown-up remains were a bowl of wrinkled raisins and a glass of apple juice, I'd be pissed too! Now see if they had played the game telephone they might have been less inclined to be so gullible (oh boy, did I just hear someone say fatwa).
Or how about my translation yesterday of that German text as an example? My German is pretty good and I would say that the translation I gave was pretty accurate. But not 100%. Where I wrote “titillating erotic short stories,” the literal translation would have been “tingling erotic short stories.” Now if we just think for a moment about how the stories in the bible and in the Koran have been passed down through the CENTURIES, and then imagine what a few mischievous people like me could do with just one well-placed teeny tiny liberty with the translation….
Heh maybe, as one email joke that gets circulated quite a bit speculates, it wasn’t 'celibacy ' but 'celebrate ' after all!
But while I might not know my Allah from Adam, I have no qualms about weighing in on religion. I figure until there is proof in the pudding -- and I don't mean an apparition of Jesus showing up on a window of some high school (there are scientific explanations for that) -- my beliefs are as good as anybody else's.
I personally think the agnostic route is really the way to go; I'm hedging my bets that there is 'something' out there, although what or who I do not know. So while others fondle their rosary beads, or meditate about the eightfold path, I have been busy writing out appropriate meet-my-maker(s) flash cards to have ready when I stand before the gates and need to know the password to get in. I am not too particular who the maker should be although I admit I am a little partial to mythology; I will have absolutely no problem assuming my rightful and well-practiced place as Goddess. I picture Zeus greeting me at the doors. "Heh there Zeus!" I'll say. "Whoa, so you're the man! I never doubted for a MOMENT that you were the man!" Then Zeus will say to me, "Anna girl, come RIGHT on in. I watched during your years as a mortal how well you honed your goddess skills and I think I have the perfect position for you... here let me show you to your throne."
Plus we agnostics are incredibly peaceful and accepting creatures. You don't see us hurling stones at a group of Catholics who want simply to march up a street for god's sake. Heh, and if my son wants to date a Jewish princess from Rhode Island, great! I love matzo balls. I mean what is up with all of these Catholics, Protestants, Hindus, Shiites, Muslims, Judaists, beating the holy shit out of each other in the name of their God or a scrap of god-forsaken land promised to them thousands of years ago by some mistranslated piece of scripture?
Some of these religious groups just really need to lighten up. Especially the one's that take every word written in their scriptures verbatim. Like I think it would be very useful if every religious fanatic were forced to play the game 'telephone.’ Anyone who has played this game as a kid knows that the original message that you whisper to the person sitting next to you is going to end up a hilarious garbled rendition by the time it is whispered to the last person sitting in the circle: What starts out as 'Jamey is Wearing a Plaid Shirt', ends up 'Amy is Swearing in a Pasture.’ Plain and simple, words get misheard and misinterpreted all the time, sometimes by accident, sometimes by design. Maybe a lightbulb would go off in their heads...
Take what just happened to the Muslims recently. According to a renowned scholar in Luxemburg, what may actually have been meant by seventy-two buxom doe-eyed virgins ("houris") waiting for them in the afterworld is in fact a bunch of "white raisins" and "juicy fruits!" Great for the digestive tract but not much else. No wonder the scholar who just published this finding is using a pseudonym... If I knew that all that awaited my blown-up remains were a bowl of wrinkled raisins and a glass of apple juice, I'd be pissed too! Now see if they had played the game telephone they might have been less inclined to be so gullible (oh boy, did I just hear someone say fatwa).
Or how about my translation yesterday of that German text as an example? My German is pretty good and I would say that the translation I gave was pretty accurate. But not 100%. Where I wrote “titillating erotic short stories,” the literal translation would have been “tingling erotic short stories.” Now if we just think for a moment about how the stories in the bible and in the Koran have been passed down through the CENTURIES, and then imagine what a few mischievous people like me could do with just one well-placed teeny tiny liberty with the translation….
Heh maybe, as one email joke that gets circulated quite a bit speculates, it wasn’t 'celibacy ' but 'celebrate ' after all!
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